B is not always for Bad

The label ‘B-movie’ is usually associated with a film that is bad, but often so in a way that suggests something akin to a guilty pleasure, the so-called “so bad it’s good”. (That ‘B-movie’ means ‘bad’ is a film myth but this is not the time to discuss that).
With that in mind I decided to have a B-movie Halloween in the company of a double dose of ridiculous shenanigans courtesy of Ed Neumeier’s SF “Starship Troopers 3: Marauder” (direct to DVD) and Greg Maclean’s “Rogue” (also direct to DVD).

“ST3:M” is worse than one might expect. It stars the original’s Casper van Dien returning as Johnny Rico, the ultimate alien arachnid fighter. Things go wrong on the planet of Roku San (or somewhere), and he’s in trouble. Meanwhile, a celebrity politician goes missing on a dangerous planet. Amazingly, I’ve just given away two-thirds of the plot. This film has no kickstart, no set pieces, no narrative flow – just a general plodding from one scene to another as we watch (1) a few truly entertaining “Would you like to know more?” infomercials; (2) bad special effects of plasticky giant arachnids hunting humans; (3) bizarre Christian ‘messages’; (4) topless South African model Tanya van Graan commenting on a guy’s penis size for a non-laugh. That, as they say, is that. And when the great villain of the piece is “revealed”, it is best to abandon attempts at self control and just laugh.

On the other hand, “Rogue” is a beautifully filmed creature feature from the director of the controversial 2006 horror favourite “Wolf Creek”. Despite starring Michael Vartan, “Rogue” – also featuring the amiable Rhadha Mitchell – is terrifyingly good, with a handful of solid scares up its sleeve. While showing Australia to be breathtaking, Maclean also gives us the man-eater crocodile that strands a tourist riverboat and its passengers on a very small island and picks them off one by one. The deaths are never gratuitously gory but are adequately brutal. In his favour, Maclean follows the “Jaws” way of not showing the full creature until the end, which features a suspenseful showdown between man and beast.