Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Return of Undead Man and the Incredible Catatonic Girlfriend

Dialogue sample #1: 
Edward: “I know the consequences of the choice you’re making. I’ve lived through it, and to let you suffer that… You believe I have a soul, and I don’t. But to risk yours, just for the sake of never having to lose you, it's the most selfish thing I’ll ever do.”
Bella: "I thought that you were afraid that I'd be too different. Like I wouldn't be...warm, I wouldn't smell the same."
Edward: "You'll always be my Bella. My Bella, just less fragile."
(http://twilightsaga.wikia.com)

Dialogue sample #2:
Inga: "Werewolf!"
Dr. Frankenstein: "Werewolf?"
Igor: "There."
Dr. Frankenstein: "What?"
Igor: "There, wolf. There, castle."
(www.imdb.com) 

The first dialogue sample is from the third "Twilight" film, the dramatic "Eclipse". The second is from Mel Brooks' hilarious comedy "Young Frankenstein!" from 1973. Both samples make me smile. The difference is that the latter sample is intentionally funny, while the former is supposed to be profound, where "profound" means "indulgent" and "oh-so-sincere". In the context of the film, these spoken words sound hollow and campy, more so than anything in a cult comedy by Brooks, who would later deliver the sporadically funny "Dracula - Dead and Loving It".

Certainly it's not the dialogue that gets audiences to flock to the cinema. I do not deny that the "Twilight" films speak to a specific younger demographic; the box-office is a good indication of this. Consider, however, that the IMDb scores of the three "Twilight" movies, as ranked by users, are 5.5/10, 4.5/10 and 4.8/10. Clearly, most people seem to understand that something is amiss with the franchise but, much like "Transformers" fans, it may be that they cling to the hope that "the next one will be worth it".


"Eclipse", although better than its predecessors, is not worth it. It's a ho-hum continuation of a tired love story spun against a backdrop of inter-species conflict that "Underworld" portrayed with greater flair and substance. The biggest complaint I have about the whole series is that the producers have spent three films telling a story that could easily fit into a single 140 minute feature film. Film 1: Edward and Bella fall in love, while Jacob is a friend; Victoria swears to avenge her lover's death. Film 2: Edward leaves Bella and Jacob makes his move; Victoria is somewhere. Film 3: Victoria assembles an army of vampires to attack the Cullens and give her the chance to kill Bella; Jacob and Edward fight nicely over who gets Bella. The end. It's the result of greed and bad writing that a simple three act story is split into three separate parts, prolonging not only Bella's suffering but also mine. How much screen time do you need to tell people that abstinence is good?

David Slade, who previously directed the antithesis to "Twilight" in the graphic novel adaptation "30 Days of Night", makes "Eclipse" the best looking of the three movies. In addition, he actually makes the action scenes come alive at times despite the weightless special effects (the werewolves look like they exist in another dimension, not the one in which the action is taking place). In the end though, lackluster story trumps visual style, and you can only shoot a pining Bella and panicking Edward in so many ways. (There are, apparently, many ways to frame a shirtless Jacob. At least the film mocks its own obsession with the Native American's naked torso. Cultural-bodily exploitation reaches a new low here.)

There is a scene where Bella, freezing her bottom lip off in a tent atop a snowy mountain, understands that the lifeless Edward cannot supply her with some body heat to warm her. Luckily Jacob, who is indeed warm even without his fur coat, offers his body heat much to Edward's initial chagrin. Then there's a moment where the two men grab each other's arms in the heat of this discussion, and for a second, just a second, I thought that vampire and werewolf would reconcile in ways Stephanie Meyer had not imagined. I'm sure it's unintentional but it's a welcome ambiguous character moment in a film where there are very few surprises.

Don't make the mistake of thinking that there's character development in this film, or the series, at all. Character development is not falling in love, sighing, moaning, and glittering in the sun. It's an internal process by which characters reach a point of metamorphosis, even apotheosis. When I hear people talk of how Bella and Edward have "grown", my heart grows heavy. At this point, essentially, all the characters are exactly the way they started out. Bella's relationship with Edward has provided her with nothing but pseudo-existential angst and a lack of any ambition except to be Edward's wife. How depressing is that?   
     

6 comments:

Elene van Sandwyk said...

I couldn't agree more, especially your notes on the werewolves and character development. The books have a bit more to say so I get why there's four of those (at least it got a few kids reading a bit more), but the movies are tedious to sit through!Character development is only one area where Harry Potter will always outshine Twilight (for this genre/audience that is) and hence Rowling remains the best writer here! Rowling wrote a buildingsroman with intricate plots that no producer has ever been able to capture in its entirety on screen, but Meyer's books can be summed up into one neat, action packed and fast-paced movie...the end (finally).

JJ said...

Wa..ha..ha... I have been rolling around the floor in laughter. What a great post. Oddly enough, I really love the first movie. But the rest have not grabbed me at all. I've read the books, and actually find them poorly written. You sum it up perfectly. The story could have easily been told in one book/movie.

linxyandthebluesky said...

As previously mentioned...the first movie completely captured its audience and what I find astounding is that it did speak to a bigger audience and therefor perhaps your blog.I do however find that this idea of 'eternal love and the 'mis-geplaasde-wit perd-sindroom' feeds into a society that is in dire need to feel more, to engage more.The riot that still exist on the lips of a young generation cannot be looked at ignorantly.However I am so over critics that always seem to laugh at that which they self cannot improve...strange that up to this point...nobody made an attempt to write and film an epic vampire cum romance high school drama -that actually made it in the box office...strange indeed.

Chris Broodryk said...

@Linxy: you mention that society needs to engage with something, to "feel more", and on an intuitive level I agree. We often go the movies to feel. You can simply revisit "The Shawshank Redemption" on DVD to facilitate this "engagement" instead of visiting Forks, Washington.

You are spot on in taking critics to task who simply make fun of bad movies; being only snarky is not criticism.

However, critics aren't there to improve on what's been done, since that's the artist's job, but rather to comment on and evaluate the significance of cultural products such as films. (If journalist Nic Dawes takes government to task for their failures, surely no-one reasonably expects him to run the country himself so as to prove that he can do better than government?)

Kudos on "'eternal love and the 'mis-geplaasde-wit perd-sindroom'" - now there's a myth that needs busting.

Zandeli Opperman said...

Best review ever!!! And yet I still go to watch the movies...

Chris Broodryk said...

Flower, have you seen the trailer for "Breaking Dawn Pt 1" yet? It features kissing under a waterfall, a shirtless Jacob and - hold on - headboard breaking sex. Yes, Edward and Bella literally break the bed. Check it out at www.apple.com/trailers.